The Legend of Rape
by YaoiCrackQueen
Summary: CRACK RAPE! A long series in which Link gets raped. Various degrees of graphic detail, written primarily for LAUGHS, not hottness. Chapter 2: Poe Rape! Chapter 3: Alien Rape! Romani Ranch Alien Invasion
1. Prophecy of Rape

**The Legend of Rape**

**Chapter 1: Prophecy of Rape **

**A/N: Professor Trelawney from Harry Potter makes an appearance, but if you don't know who that is, oh well. **

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Link decided to pay a visit to a fortune teller, since his wallet was full and he really needed to empty it out a bit. It was a shame he didn't happen to be in Majora's Mask at the moment, cuz then he could deposit his money in a bank account that defied the laws of time.

"Why hello thar!" the Seer said, taking a swig from a bottle of cooking sherry AKA red potion. Link sat down at the table and the woman focused her bug eyes on the crystal ball before her. She made some dramatic hand movements and then gasped.

"……..?!"

"Yes, dear, I see! You will, um, face a great enemy! And you will die of…" the woman suddenly slumped in her chair, and her voice grew deep and gravelly.

"It will happen tonight."

"……………..?!!"

"When darkness falls, you will be haunted by sexually frustrated preternatural beings…"

The possessed woman suddenly grabbed hold of Link by his bangs and stared into his wide eyes.

"Link, you gone be raped!"

The woman went back to her chair and fell asleep, snoring loudly. Link stole the woman's red potion and snuck off…but no amount of red potion would save him from his fate…


	2. Poe Rape

**The Legend of Rape**

**Chapter 2: Poe Rape**

**A/N: Set in Ocarina of Time**

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Link was minding his own business, just wandering outside in Hyrule field after dark when a Poe suddenly appeared, cackling wickedly and spinning around the Hero of Time, throwing little fire balls. Link slashed the Poe to pieces and the ghost's lamp shattered.

Link looked at the Poe Soul for a moment and whipped out his handy dandy bottle and stuffed the poor undead thing inside it. He corked the bottle and headed for the ruined Castle Town, planning on selling the Poe Soul there so he could get some weed from the Happy Grass Salesman (previously known as the Happy Mask Shop Salesman).

However, Link didn't get very far, because just then, a posse of Poes appeared out of thin air, completely surrounding him. They shook their lanterns angrily and cackled.

"…………….." Link said, unsheathing his sword. However, Link was no match for nine Poes at once and in a matter of seconds, the Poes had burned off all of Link's clothes and began to haunt Link's body, using their paranormal penises to fuck the Hero of Time until he was crying like Darunia's annoying little pansy ass son.

"……. :'( ………………" Link cried, and when the Poes had had their fun, the left him there. The last thing Link saw before he blacked out was the swinging of his supernatural semes' lanterns.


	3. Alien Rape

**The Legend of Rape**

**Chapter 3: Alien Rape**

**A/N: Set in Majora's Mask **

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Link wandered over to Romani Ranch one day in hopes of getting some whole milk. The thin watered down shit the Butt Buddy Brothers had sold him gave him the runs and weakened his sword arm, so he was hoping whole milk would strengthen his bones…and help him grow up to be a tall, sexy bishie.

However, when he got to the ranch, a little red headed girl smacked him on the ass and called him "Grasshoppa" for some reason.

"Hey, you gotta help me! Tonight…_they_ will come…_they_ will come to take my pokemanz…"

"………….." Link said. The girl scratched her head.

"Oh…wait, did I say pokemanz? I meant kowz. Yesh, _they_ will come tonight at 2:30 am sharp and steal all our kowz and do sexually perverted things to them…"

"……….?"

"I know…it IS frightening…Say! Will you help me, Grasshoppa? If you can keep _them_ from molesting meh muu kowz…I'll give you a bottle of Valium!"

"XD……!" Link said, bouncing up and down.

2:30AM (THE HOUR OF DOOOOOMZ)

The whimpy red head ended up hiding in the barn while Link was left outside to fend for himself. He put on his handy dandy bunny hood and slid an arrow on his bow, ready to take down every last mutha fucka who dared to get in his way.

When _they_ appeared, Link fired off showers of arrows, keeping the aliens at bay…but he didn't bother to look behind him, and an alien snuck up to him and covered the chibi Hero's eyes.

"……….!!!" Link yelled, which translated loosely to "I can't fucking see!"

More and more aliens swarmed around Link, and they set their flashlight heads on him and beamed him up to their mother ship. Link blacked out from shock.

When he came to, he was naked, face down on what looked to be a glass plate suspended in the air. There was a long metal object jutting out of his ass, and when he tried to move, he felt excruciating pain.

"…………..??!"

_They_ appeared before him, at least five of them, and without warning, _they_ began to shove a variety of metal objects in Link's ass, some of them with spinning tops, some with vibrating innards, others with horrible looking knobs thrusting in and out of them. The anal probing was so traumatic that it cost Link five and a half hearts of his life.

When 5:00 AM rolled around, they beamed Link back down to the ranch, where Romani found him twitching naked on the grass, an arrow lodged in the Chibi Hero's sore ass.

"Anal probing's a bitch," Romani said wisely.

".. :'( ……….." Link said, shivering.


End file.
